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Is Your Partner’s Sex Drive Different From Yours?

Don´t fear if your sex drive differs from your partners

Is Your Partner’s Sex Drive Different From Yours?

Those in long-term relationships often find themselves putting an unnecessary pressure into it. Whether it is because of their own insecurities, past mistakes, lack of trust and many other factors, which are completely reasonable since long-term commitment implies sharing the best and the worst, meaning that you’ll start to see reality beyond the “perfect” honeymoon-like period. But what happen´s if your sex drive differs from your partner? Is it over?

By the time the initial frenzy is over and you slip slowly into the dealing-with-the-real -world-as-a-couple stage you’ll realize that things aren’t so perfect and the intensity from the beginning will fade a bit. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing, quite the contrary. Once you’ve reached this point it means that it is time to start working together towards whatever goals you might have, not only as a couple but also as individuals, and the fact that you’re not spending all your time together hot and heavy in the bedroom gives you time to connect over other things and start executing the plans you have for the future.

Nevertheless, let’s not forget that sex is still a big and very important part of any romantic relationship. Not just because it’s biological need but because sex provides couples with a level of intimacy that is difficult to accomplish another way and it actually allows you to connect with your partner in many different levels. So what happens when you and your partner’s sex drive are completely different?

Well, the first thing to keep in mind is that libido is part of our individuality. Therefore it is rather unrealistic to think that you and your partner are gonna be synced like clockwork when it comes to sexual needs. Regardless of how attracted you are to each other, more often than not couples realize that their sex drives are not necessarily aligned.

Most people believe that women have lower sex drive than men and hence, this causes tension within the relationship. However, this is not always true and women with higher sex drive than their partners have often a massive and negative impact on their relationships as well because their partners can feel terribly inadequate.

How to overcome the sex drive difference with your partner?

If you’re in a long-term relationship, there’s a huge probability that the reasons that keep you in said relationship are many and not just for the sex. Assuming that you have a thing or two in common with your partner, a certain level of trust and the ability to somewhat effectively communicate with each other would be an educated guess.

Based on the premise that your relationship goes beyond what happens between the sheets, here are a few things you can do to sort out this issue:

  1. Have an honest conversation.
    This is important in any relationship. Having honest conversations about everything, and sex shouldn’t be an exception. It is understandable that most people feel uncomfortable talking about their fantasies, urges and desires even with their partners. But you must not forget that an open communication is key to not hurt your partner or yourself.
  2. Search for the root of the “problem”.
    If you see the mismatched sex drive as a problem, address it and look for a solution together. Find the core of the problem because contrary to what you may think, chances are, sex might not be it.
    Having low sex drive is one thing but never being in the mood is a sign of deeper issues. Too much stress, money problems, children, depression, and even low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence or trust issues with your partner. If you find the cause, you’ll be able to solve it together.
  3. Keep track of what affects your sex drive.
    This is a no brainer, if you know stress lowers your sex drive and exercising increases it, try working out before you get home to your partner or before going on a date.
    Also, bear in mind that your emotions affect your sex drive and it is important that you pay attention to it because it could be also signaling deeper issues.
  4. Incorporate new ways of intimacy to your lives.
    Sometimes, all you need to spice it up is reconnecting with your partner. As cliche as that may sound, long-term relationships often lose their magic because both of you are too busy, too stressed and too absorbed into your inner issues that you’ve forgotten the other person needs you as much as you need them. Learning something new together, planning special dates and exploring new ways of intimacy like massages, new foreplay games or even sharing an activity that’s cherished by your partner will help you achieve that connection once again.
  5. Don’t stress over it.
    Last but not least, keep it cool. Overthinking and stressing over the issue won’t help you solve it. If anything, it will put more pressure on you and your partner which might lead to dire consequences instead. Try to keep calm and work together towards a solution with patience, mutual understanding and love. At the end of the day, sex is not the only reason why you decided to be together.

Relationship problems? Contact Dr. Harry Fisch, a men’s health and vasectomy reversal expert based in Manhattan. You can make an appointment calling at (212) 879 0800.

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